I’ve spent the past four days getting drunk in Köln. Not, I must stress, on behalf of this newsletter, as some Anthony Bourdain-style deep dive into the underworld of football culture on the Rhine or due to a trip to take in an Effzeh game which went a little pear-shaped. I was, in fact, on my stag do. Or “bachelor party” as some of our readers from across the pond may call it.
Having lived on the outskirts of the city once upon a time (in the idyllic but, as one bartender put it, “boring” town of Bonn) I was no stranger to the incredible architecture of the Kölner Dom or the warm and welcoming nature of the city’s inhabitants. I had a wonderful time. But trips to Köln often turn a little bittersweet whenever I turn my attention to the city’s football club.
It seems perfectly fair to suggest that FC Köln are one of Germany’s most underperforming clubs in the modern era. Perhaps only second to Hamburg. Once regular Bundesliga winners and contenders in the 60s, 70s and 80s, the club hasn’t won a major title since 1983 and has spent six of the last 20 seasons outside the top flight. A truly horrendous record for a club that can easily call upon 50,000 spectators every week and is essentially the only major club in Germany’s fourth largest city, which is itself the hub of a wider urban area that could match Berlin or Barcelona in size and scope.
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